


truth inside the lie

by Zerrat



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Coffee, F/F, One Step Forward, Post Instinct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 09:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/847707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zerrat/pseuds/Zerrat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post "Instinct" (4x15). Myka finally gets it together and asks Helena to meet her for that coffee. Things aren't the same between them, though, and moving forward is far from easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	truth inside the lie

**Author's Note:**

> _Fiction is the truth inside the lie._
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks to [fmorgana](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fmorgana) for pretty much being an awesome beta and all-around winner.

It was a few weeks before Myka finally gathered the courage to take Helena up on that offer for a quiet coffee. It wasn't as though Myka didn't want to see her again, either. She'd just been _busy_ \- and the world was not going to save itself, if she was going to borrow a line or two from Claudia. After a certain point, though, she had to admit that _maybe_ she was putting it off, and that maybe the Warehouse manifest didn't need to be revised again so soon.

After all, Myka kept telling herself, HG Wells had been the defining point of her career at the Warehouse. She'd had a hand in some of Myka's most dizzying highs, but she had also been responsible for those moments when Myka had been certain that she could never walk into the Warehouse again. Helena was brilliant. In the end it had been because of _her_ words that Myka had returned after the scare with the Minoan Trident. The endless wonder of the Warehouse was not something that could just be thrown away, and it had been Helena's sheer conviction that had finally driven that home.

Things, no matter how much Myka wished otherwise, were different in a way that was nothing short of earth-shattering. Things had had been different since the day that she and Pete had travelled out to Wisconsin, and yes, that change was a little confronting.

It had been incredibly hard to swallow - that somewhere along the way, Helena had lost that sense of wonder that she'd so prized. It made Myka doubt herself and her future a little. It made her think that maybe the Warehouse's wonder wasn't endless after all, and that it eventually gave way to a little house in the suburbs and a safe, _normal_ man.

Even though Myka had seen it herself, even though she'd met Nate, it had been difficult to reconcile that new reality with everything that she knew of Helena.

_Bering and Wells, solving puzzles and saving the day, _Myka thought wistfully, as she sat on one of the tables outside of the B &B and toyed with her phone. It had been a nice dream, but she understood that things weren't the same. After the whole mess with Sykes and then with the Astrolabe, the stakes of the 'mission' really had gotten so much more real.__

__In one timeline, the Warehouse had been destroyed, and people that Myka loved had died. In this one, the Astrolabe had fixed that, but it had exacted a toll all of its own. If Helena wanted out, then Myka could understand that on an intellectual level. How she'd gone about that, though..._ _

__Myka still couldn't reconcile it with Helena, even if she knew that she had to accept the choice for now._ _

__She took a deep, steadying breath and quietly reminded herself that she'd saved the world at least three times in the last week alone and that a simple phone call should not be so scary. With that, Myka brought up Helena's contact information and dialled out. When she picked up after the fifth ring, Myka was surprised her voice was so steady._ _

____

###

They ended up meeting for coffee in Boone the weekend after. Helena wasn't driven to the coffee shop by Nate this time, and a part of Myka still shook her head at the implications as she watched her push her way through the glass doors.

A safe husband, a safe job behind the lines, getting dropped off at work and being unable to take so much as a small risk - none of it had been the HG Wells that had drawn Coach Tappon's attention at Tamalpais University, or risked her life to save Artie in Russia. At least this time, when Myka caught Helena's eyes across the shop and waved her over, there seemed to be a bit more of that old energy in the way she held herself.

As Helena made her way over, Myka really wasn't sure how to begin with... whatever it was that she wanted to get out of their meeting. She'd spent the last hour dwelling on just how she was meant to handle it. Her feelings towards Helena were still so tangled, raw and complicated - sparks of brilliance in pain.

It was what-ifs, dreams and maybes, and none of them were even close to being real.

"You..." Myka tried, smiling and watching Helena carefully shrug out of her coat and take the seat across the table. She watched the other woman recline back in her chair, her arms crossed in front of her chest. If Myka hadn't known better, she could have sworn Helena was completely relaxed. "You look well."

It was not the easy conversation that Myka used to have with this brilliant woman, when they'd discuss everything from favourite childhood novels to the practical application of physics in the Warehouse. Myka had known HG Wells so implicitly - but she knew almost nothing about Emily Lake.

They spoke of nothing at first, and the conversation was both stilted and awkward in a way that made Myka's throat ache a little. They were both well - that fact was established several times over, even if Myka certainly didn't feel that way. Her palms had grown slick with cold sweat as she'd looked down at her mug and toyed with the ceramic handle.

She couldn't let the continuing weirdness of the Emily Lake situation unsettle her. She was already there, and it was _Helena_ sitting across from her. Myka needed her in her life with an intensity that sometimes scared her, and she needed to give this thing a proper go.

"So," Myka said, determined to try again. "I know Pete and I left a little chaos in our wake, what with the whole deal with the artifacts... How are things going here? With you and Nate?"

Helena's lips curved into a small smile - carefully controlled or not, it was the first one Myka had seen her wear in the whole awkward five minutes since she'd arrived. It had been one of those things that had pinged Myka as just so wrong the first time they'd met in Boone.

"Rocky," Helena replied, drawing the word out while her smile faltered. "I haven't quite gotten to the part where I tell him that I'm the Father of science fiction, so to speak, but things are... progressing well enough."

"That's going to be a seriously awkward conversation." Myka felt a reluctant but genuine smile of her own tug at the corner of her lips, and as she gave into it, she met Helena's dark eyes.

The answering smile seemed to revitalise and relax Helena, as if a burden had been unexpectedly removed from her shoulders. She leaned back again, refolding her arms as she lounged in a way that made Myka's imagination devolve into some interesting, if half-formed thoughts.

"I've had no shortage of practice with awkward conversations, lately." Helena's voice was just a little rueful, and Myka caught a hint of a sigh in her words. "I'm afraid Nate has rather taken to banishing himself to the couch, following some of our more intense discussions."

"I'm sure he'll come around soon." Myka took a sip of her cooling coffee, watching Helena's expression carefully as she did so. It had always been difficult to get a good reading on her, but somehow she'd managed. Still, Myka wasn't sure she'd ever seen Helena look so conflicted by so many emotions. The sadness and worry were obvious, and maybe the regret too - but for some reason she also looked incredibly happy.

"It's difficult to be certain. Nate trusted me, and despite my reasoning, I broke that trust. Giving him a little time in which to process it feels like the least I can do." Helena smiled again, the expression still muted and unsure.

Myka refrained from likening Nate's broken trust to her own, even in the confines of her own mind. She really didn't need that bitterness - not now. Still, a part of her wished fervently that Nate would break it off with Helena, and she both judged and hated that she'd even entertain that thought. Nate leaving Helena wasn't going to make it any better - Myka rather thought that it would actually make things worse.

The conversation had lulled a little too long, and the silence had shifted from almost companionable to awkward without so much as missing a beat. Myka's throat felt frozen, a million topics whirling through her head, but fading away as soon as she tried to open her mouth and say something.

Across from her, Helena wet her lips in a rare sign of nervousness, her eyes flickering down to where Myka was grasping her mug far too tightly. She smiled again, and the expression looked a little more real - and a little more broken. Myka watched her swallow and take a breath.

"Enough about Emily Lake," Helena said, with a levity that Myka knew belied her true thoughts. "How are-"

"They're fine." Myka closed her eyes, knowing that she'd answered that question far too abruptly. She took a moment to recollect her thoughts and reassess her approach. How was she meant to discuss the lives of her family with someone who had been through so much with them, but had seemingly rejected them outright?

"Pete... Well, Pete is as you'd expect. No matter how many times he gets burned by touching things he really shouldn't be playing with, I still come back and find him holding Theodor Geisel's pen and having a rhyme-off with Claudia." Myka played with the lip of her mug, and her smile faded when she continued. "Artie... he's healing, but after what happened with Leena, I-"

Myka cut herself off, unsure if Helena had been told of how the Astrolabe's evil had finally made itself apparent. Helena certainly didn't _look_ shocked or upset by the mention of Artie and Leena, but god only knew with her, these days.

"What happened to Leena was hard on all of us, but Artie most of all," Myka finally finished, a little lamely, and she could hear her voice had grown hoarse with emotion.

The wound was still so raw and fresh that the grief for both Leena and Artie surged up at unexpected moments. It was a different sort of grief than what she'd been buried under when Sam died, and sometimes seeing Artie struggle with his demons struck home a little too vividly. She'd been there before, helpless as someone she loved had died - but so had Helena.

Myka wasn't sure she could meet Helena's eyes at that moment, and she reached out blindly for another topic - _any_ topic.

"Around a month ago, Pete and I were sucked into an unfinished 1940's noir detective novel, so that was a... rather unique experience." Myka sucked in a shallow breath, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear as she finally looked up.

From across the table, Helena's expression was again one of conflict. Myka could see a thousand questions in her eyes at that moment, and the intense desire to _know_. Would she ask any of them, or would playing the role of Emily Lake preclude her from giving in at all? After a few long moments of silence, Helena refolded her arms against her chest, and in one smooth motion, she leaned forward. Her eyes were intense.

"Tell me more," Helena said, and at that point, it felt like Myka had been waiting her whole damn life to hear those words.

"I know that I've talked about some of my favourite childhood books with you before," Myka started, unable to fight her smile now.

Helena tapped her cheek thoughtfully with her index finger. "Noir detective novels, circa 1940s? Might I hazard a guess at Anthony Bishop?"

Myka couldn't help but laugh. "You'd be completely right. Was it that obvious?"

"Well," Helena said, and her expression was one of incredible affection. "I do recall our discussions on him. Given how he died..."

Myka made a sound of agreement, her coffee cooling and forgotten off to the side as she met Helena's eyes.

"It was that last manuscript that he was working on, yes. The story with Bishop went that he started it not long after his wife died in an accident, and in response, he threw himself headlong into his work. He eventually found himself blocked, though, and in the end, everyone believed that he'd gone and killed himself out of despair."

"Ah," Helena murmured, when Myka had finished. "When it comes to the Warehouse, artifacts and human nature, is it ever that simple?"

She was completely engaged in the story, Myka realised. She was smiling, laughing, and she seemed so much more animated that she'd been in a really long time. Her eyes had lit up, and Myka knew that already her mind was racing ahead to figure out the "how" and the "why" of what happened to Bishop.

It was breathtaking. _This_ was HG Wells, and the woman who had turned Myka's own emotions into a gnarled, painful mess. An odd sort of yearning started up in Myka's chest, and she swallowed hard.

"When Pete and I got sucked in - I'm sure it had something to do with the electrical charges we were trying to collect with the Jade Elephant - we immediately figured out that what we needed to do was to complete Bishop's story for him. To give whatever emotion had created that artifact a little closure." Myka inhaled sharply.

Helena tilted her head. "But when you were in there, things didn't go as expected?"

"Aside from the whole place smelling of fudge? You could say that. It turns out that Anthony Bishop didn't kill himself, and that he was actually _in_ the novel with us. _The_ Anthony Bishop."

"You sound like it was all of your wildest dreams come true," Helena said with a laugh, and Myka grinned across at her while reaching for her mug.

"As dangerous as the Warehouse is, sometimes some really amazing things happen, too." Myka took a sip of her coffee, and winced as she realized how quickly it had grown cold. "But Bishop's whole deal with the manuscript was that he didn't _want_ it to ever end. So when Pete and I came in and wanted out by solving the story..."

"Bishop took exception to it." Helena shook her head slightly, and Myka wondered, then, what she thought of it all.

"He did. When he was writing that half-finished manuscript back in our world, he'd stare at the pages, and imagine he was in the novel itself. Like he was transported there. Things got even more complicated when it became clear that one of the characters was actually based on his late wife..." Myka sighed. "He didn't want to face an uncertain future without her. That's why he didn't want to leave. He didn't want to move forward at all, because he was so afraid."

Helena's expression had grown a little tight and hurt at that last statement, and Myka realised a little too late that her story had carried unintended meaning. Just like Bishop, Helena was hiding from the uncertain future. But unlike Bishop, she didn't _want_ to feel anything and divided herself from what she most loved - she considered those feelings dangerous and something to be controlled, if not eliminated.

"Helena, I just meant - it wasn't -" Myka cut herself off to stop herself from continuing to ramble. "Bishop's work is really good - if you have time, you should definitely pick them up."

The conversation had rapidly cycled back to awkward again, and the smile that Helena gave was painfully fake as she started to gather her things together.

"Well - I really do feel like I should be getting home." Helena's voice was coldly polite. "Nate and Adelaide will be getting back from the tournament soon."

Myka felt as though her heart was breaking all over again, just like when she and Pete had pulled away from Nate's house that final time. That was exactly what it _was_ though - that tangled mess of pain, yearning and dizzying brilliance - Myka didn't want this meeting to come to an end. She could feel it slipping away, though, all thanks to her lack of thought about the potential parallels.

"Helena. This - this was..." Myka smiled, and the expression felt raw. It felt dishonest, like she was continuing to hide the depth of her feelings for Helena behind a veneer of painful friendship. "It's been great."

Helena paused in the motion of slipping into her coat, and it felt like the whole world stopped with her. If Myka had messed 'them' up even more than things already were, she'd never forgive herself.

"Yes... Perhaps we should do it again?" Helena finally said, slowly, as if she was testing the waters. Her smile was brilliant though, and Myka knew things were still okay between them.

She gathered her own things up quickly, and followed Helena to the door. As they both stood at the front of the coffee shop in the cold, sharp wind, Myka reached out and clasped Helena's arm in a tight squeeze. She didn't quite have the courage to wrap her up in a hug the way she wanted to. Not after having essentially forced Helena to run away from her again.

One day, Helena was going to stop running from the Warehouse, Myka, and whatever tangled mess she felt toward it all. Myka knew that feeling, and she knew in her every fibre that she wanted Helena to come home.

Helena wasn't ready, though, and wouldn't be ready until she'd decided to come back to the Warehouse on her own terms. But the safety net she'd sought was still too attractive. She was still willing to meet Myka half-way even though it was so hard on the both of them, and that counted for something.

Myka was also willing to wait while Helena went through that tangle of hurt and desperate wariness. She'd be there for Helena as the friend she needed.

That realization could take years to happen, but Myka would wait as long as it took and it was a silent promise to herself. With a rapidly tightening throat and rising ache in her chest, she watched Helena vanish around the corner and away from her once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Two steps forward, one step back seems to be the story of Bering and Wells at the moment, and I wanted to do my take on how that meeting for coffee would ultimately go. 
> 
> Myka's decision to take things slowly and that HG might be years away from returning seems especially cruel in hindsight (thanks for that, 4x17!).
> 
> If you'd like updates as to current projects or just want to chat, feel free to come visit me on my tumblr: [zerrat](http://zerrat.tumblr.com/) (personal) and [zerratwritesstuff](http://zerratwritesstuff.tumblr.com) (writing)!


End file.
